Im dating a guy way out of my league

I am a 31 year old female bartender and recently I was asked out for a date by a handsome, attractive man. Though I hesitated initially, I agreed and I had a good time with him. During our conversation, he mentioned that he was the Marketing President of a tech company. At first, I thought he was joking but then he showed me his business card. This made me uncomfortable and he noticed that. He asked me if anything was wrong and I told him that he was way out of my league.

He laughed it off and told me not to worry about it. But to my surprise he not only called but he also wanted to take me out on a date again. All my life, I have been in relationships with the wrong men- drug addicts, cheaters, jobless men and I never believed that I could attract the right man in my life. His world is so different from mine and I feel it is only a matter of time before he finds out I am a misfit. All his colleagues are either dating or have been married to professional women.

He dismisses my concerns that I worry too much and that I should learn to relax and take things easy.


  • Stop Saying He (Or She) Is Out Of Your League | HuffPost.
  • 15 Signs He's Out Of Your League | TheTalko.
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  • Welcome to Reddit,;
  • 5 Reasons Why Someone Isn’t Out Of Your League (And Why Leagues Don’t Exist).

I do like him and enjoy the time I spend with him but I am also scared of entering into a what appears to be a serious relationship. Should I continue dating a man out of my league? I think this is the best advice, OP. You can never go wrong with just relaxing and being yourself. I wasn't thinking of an exact scenario, but in any situation where there's an imbalance of experience or power, there is potential for one side to take advantage of the other. Consider a business transaction that takes place between a savvy and hardened negotiator, and another who is naive and inexperienced Like business, some could say that fairness is defined by the fact the deal was made, that a fair price is "defined by the market" full of people acting in their own best interests.

But we're not automata, we're people, and as such we can be convinced to make decisions that are not in our own best interests. If that happens in any way -- business, sex, child support or whatever -- where one party does something against their best interests because they're out-negotiated by another, would you not say that one has been taken advantage of?

The guy will take advantage of her by Isn't this exactly what she wants? It sounds like she wants a shot at a real relationship, not be potentially manipulated and lied to for a little fucky-dumpy. It does if you make them think you're interested in a relationship before having sex with them.


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Such a scenario is far from manipulation. It's deception at best. Having sex with someone who obviously wants to have sex with you is a mutually beneficial "deal", even if one party might feel short-changed afterwards. It's deception with the objective of getting someone to do something they wouldn't otherwise.

It's not taking advantage if they have sex. It's taking advantage if she really really wants to have sex with him and he exploits that to get sex from her.

Stop Saying He (Or She) Is Out Of Your League

If word got out that she had sex because she wanted it, even once, it would destroy her reputation. One situation I could imagine would be for example that they could click pretty well with each other, they would start dating seriously and maybe even become exclusive to each other. Now she said to him that she thought that he was out of her league, and he is not a nice guy aka an asshole. Considering her won over, he would simply jump to another potential mate, keeping her on the side.

Belittling her, shooting her self-esteem to the ground. Cheating on her and getting away with it by being manipulative to keep her at bay. Two important things happen when you're nervous that can derail you, and you should actively try to counteract them. The most common side effect of this is that when he's talking, you'll stop listening, and you'll suddenly realize that he's said sentences and you have no idea what they were. Counteract this by actively listening to what he's saying.

How To: Get a Guy Who's Out of Your League

Repeating his words to yourself in your head might help. People really like to be listened closely to, and if you can focus your responses on what he's trying to talk about, and use examples from what he says to make your own points, you can use that racing mind to your advantage. A moment of pause will seem like an hour. You'll wonder if things are going terribly the moment you're not finishing each other's sentences like some TV sitcom.

When you're talking, even spaces between words will seem like too much. You'll rush to get out your thoughts because it seems like they're taking so long and must be boring him to death. All you're there to do is talk to each other, so there's no need to rush. A moment's pause to consider an answer when he asks a question indicates that you're present and engaged, which is a compliment.

On the other hand, you should make it a goal to smile at him during a moment of silence at least once during the date. It doesn't have to be a lecherous grin, a small smile will do. But as soon as you have a good conversational exchange that ends in a moment of silence, make sure he's looking at you and just give him a small smile.

Let the silence linger a bit. It's not your enemy, despite what your nerves are telling you. I teach a section of public speaking at my university sometimes, so strategies for dealing with nerves gets brought up a lot. The worst will be right at the beginning. If you can get through the first couple of minutes unscathed, the nerves will die down very fast.

The key and I admit, it's a difficult key is to not focus on how nervous you are. The more you focus on that, the more you keep it alive. Accept that you're nervous, but leave it at that. Don't dwell on it. Also, sometimes it helps to understand the physiology. Understanding what's happening in your body can give you a sense of control over it. Nerves are your fight, flight, or freeze response. You sense a threat 10, years ago, a bear; in your case, a date. Ordinarily, you would either run away or try to kill it.

In this case, you aren't allowing yourself to do either of those things. Your brain assumes you're being stupid and not perceiving the threat, so it gets super insistent about the fact that you're going to get eaten soon! Which means you're nervous.

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And your body is preparing for when you stop being dense and finally realize something is trying to kill you. So, you sweat to keep you cool so you can run or fight better. And your heart races to give your muscles enough oxygen to do the fighting or the flighting. And you shake due to the extra shot of adrenaline your brain gives you so that you're extra strong or extra fast. And the bigger the threat appears and the longer you ignore it, the worse the anxiety gets, because according to your brain something is seriously about to kill you and you're not doing anything about it.

This is really solid advice, and I experienced both of these things with a guy who was "out of my league," and he even thought it was pretty cute how nervous I was. Everything just seems to move too fast and that can be even more nerve wracking. Especially when you can't remember what they're saying because your mind is moving too fast.

Just relax and go with the flow! Be a presentable version of yourself. Some people just put everything out there at once in an overwhelming manner. I may want to get to know you, but that doesnt mean i want to hear about the fungus you use to have growing or your absolute adoration of your cat mittens. I can't give you any decent advice, but maybe it will help to know that if he asked you out, then he is, by definition within your league.

Want to add to the discussion?

Some people does it daily, some people every other day, and some people weekly. Also some people does it more than once a day. My boyfriend is also WAY out of my league; how I dealt with it in the beginning is to think of him as a human doing some of the not so great human things we have to do: It really helped humanize him until I just felt normal around him. He's not out of your league -- there is no such thing.

5 Reasons Why Someone Isn’t Out Of Your League (And Why Leagues Don’t Exist) | Thought Catalog

People are people; he's not in some caste that you're not. If you can't be yourself with this person, then you shouldn't date him; but I bet you can. How many people either of you have or haven't fucked doesn't make one of you better than the other. You've already been friendly and normal around him and even have stuff in common.

Why should being around him in at different setting make you uncomfortable? If you already know him it's only going to be awkward if you convince yourself that it will be. And your outlook is too one sided. You don't know him well yet. How do you know if you'll even like him? Is he really good enough for you?