27 dating 43
If I follow what feels right, am I setting myself up for future failure? Do you think this is a terrible idea? Just the fact that you are presenting this question makes me wonder if you already know the answer. Usually, we don't question the things we know in our gut to in our best interests.
You are concerned that a 15 year age difference may be a "terrible idea" or "setting yourself up for future failure. In my opinion, there is a lot more than just 15 years that separates you from your year-old boyfriend. He's had a heck of a lot more life experience than you have. You are in your late twenties, a time in life when you are just beginning to become sure of who you are and what you want.
You are creating your life while he is already in the prime of his. If you were 40 and he was 55, I would not be as concerned about the age difference as both of you would have had ample time to experience life and mold your identity. By dating someone so much older, you are missing out on being with someone who is in the same phase of life that you are; someone with whom you can share the joys and pitfalls of discovery.
Plus, this is a new relationship and you need to take into account that some of the sparks you feel come from the novelty of it. You mentioned that you are not trying to live out some father figure fantasy. Okay, but consider this: I speak from experience. In my twenties, I dated a man who was eleven years my senior and it was great until I realized I was living vicariously through him. I wanted to be where he was in his life - accomplished, more confident, and all the other things that come with additional years on the planet.
If you look at this guy and easily see yourself fitting into his entire lifestyle -- including step-mothering a five-year old -- then go for it. Make sure it's legal. Don't worry about what other people think, you'll never be happy. If you like each other, then keep up the good work! My mother has been living for 20 years with a guy who is two years older than I am. If the two of you are happy together, it's nobody else's business. Den Beste at 9: When I 26 I fell in love with a man who was We were together for several years and the age gap was never a problem in any way whatsoever.
Okay kind of silly but -- take the older person, divide by two, and add That's the formula for acceptable age difference.
Your guy -- 46, divide by two, equals 23, plus 10, equals 33, okee-dokee. There's no clear answer, but I think it depends on the motivations of the people involved. I half-dated someone 20 years my senior at one point, but it was a bust because he was a man who ONLY dated 20something women, and wouldn't even consider anyone older than Plus, I realized I enjoy dating someone closer to my age because I like being able to reference past events in a specific manner "dude, remember when we were 13, and Kurt Cobain died? Makes me feel like I knew the person then, even if I didn't.
Acceptable age gap in dating | Ask MetaFilter
This might not be the case for you, however. Some people are looking to be parent figures; some are looking to be parented, which there's nothing wrong with if that's what you want. I'd say there's no problem as long as both parties are clear on their intentions and feelings are genuine, much like any relationship. My Dad's 13 years older than my Mom, and they worked out fine. I never noticed anything strange in their age dynamic. If you like him, and can't think of a dealbreaker not to date him, go for it. My new girlfriend is 20 years younger than me Doesn't seem to be any problem to either one of us posted by growabrain at Also, chiababe was kidding.
There is no formula for that and that was the point she was trying to make, I believe. I got married last weekend to someone 18 years older than me. We've been together 6 years so far. It's going rather well. Haven't y'all ever heard of the "rule" that chiababe posted before? With the caveat that we're all unique, individual snowflakes who can't be reduced to anything as simple as a number, blah, blah, blah.
My parents are 12 years apart in age, and they've been going strong for 20 years. According to dad, age has never been an issue for them. You've met a nice guy who thinks you're nice too -- good luck to you both! Obviously, you can't reduce it to just numbers, but if you fall in that range, people aren't going to be thinking "that's weird.
My parents have been married for over 30 years, and there's a ish year gap between them. YMMV, of course posted by Chunder at 7: I met my beloved aged 30, he was Age differences are only a problem if there are other issues in the relationship.
If you like each other, go for it! I think if you are both comfortable with it then that is half the battle. You are both established adults, it's not like you are 18 or even in your twenties. There are age brackets but I'd say once you turn 30 you can mix socially and romantically with anyone in the 40s and even young fifties.
I have lived together with a woman 9 years older than myself and have dated women 9 years younger that were mentally mature no, they weren't teenagers. If the age issue comes up often in conversations between you and he, then there could be a problem. But if both of you ignore any differences and your friends and family keep their noses out of your business then there should be absolutely no problem.
I know plenty of maried people with at least a decade difference in age. No, you take the man 's age, not the older person. You're in the clear! As for the financial bracket, just relax and enjoy it. My sister is about 10 years older than her hubby; they have a wonderful marriage, and they are very good for each other. This is her second time around, btw. Her first marriage was with a guy slightly older than she who was emotionally and psychologically still a child. Their marriage was a trainwreck.
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It really depends on the individuals, not on the ages. I am 50, my boyfriend is We have been together for two years, and are planning to move in together in May, when my kids' lives are a bit more sorted out. FWIW, no one ever believes my age and he has kind of a craggy demeanor. Out in the world, we don't get a lot of second looks, we seem to fit together 'normally'. Also, he's quite mature, somewhat reserved and I'm more, well, lighthearted and playful. My parents are gone; I guess his assume I'm older I have teenagers but probably underestimate the gap.
Still, we're lucky since his family is very "if you're happy, we're happy". In the beginning, once it was clear it wasn't a fling, I was very uncomfortable -- so much so that we broke up a couple of times. I hated all my women friends with the "you go, girl" thing -- I did not want to be a character on Sex and the City. I worried a lot about him waking up one day and wanting kids, which I wouldn't be able to give him.
On Dating An Older Man
I was even somewhat suspicious of him for preferring me to having children. I worried about physically aging, and losing him when I am too old or tired to get it up for another 'big' relationship and then I would end up alone. Now and again, these thoughts pop up but the reality of our love and respect and desire for one another vanquishes them pretty quickly. He hung in through my early tumultuous days of doubt, and continues to love me It's a cliche, but anything can happen at any moment.
A date I recently went on showed the woman to be intelligent, sweet, accomplished, and attractive. We both suspected the age difference might be significant, but avoided the topic for as long as possible. Yet denying reality serves no purpose. She thought I was I was hoping she was in her late twenties. Five years is one thing. Even ten years one can start rationalizing. Yet 18 years is a tough one to justify. Having said that, a guy at 41 squiring a woman of 23 is far more controversial than a year-old man dating a year-old woman.